This will really grind your gears… And better yet: they meant to do it!

I am not OCD, but I sympathize with those who are.

Last night, I had to suffer through one of the most painful experiences of my life, only coming in second to when a set piece and ladder fell on me during a show.

This painful experience was me being forced to sit down and watch Sharknado.

Frickin’ Sharknado.

Anyways, I noticed more than a few flaws in the script. And physics. Physics was majorly disregarded in this film. A prime example of this is the fact that there were sharks in a hurricane.

Sharks that were flying. In a hurricane.

Now let’s say that this is possible. Sharks in a hurricane, flying over a city. Wouldn’t this hurricane also have picked up fish and seaweed from the ocean as well? Not to mention rocks, cars, houses, etc. I don’t see any of those in the hurricane, just sharks.

Also, why are they calling it a sharkNADO, when the storm in a HURRICANE, not a TORNADO? This movie has it right:

In addition, there are no hurricanes in California. Like, EVER. I’ll prove it if you click here.

Now let’s set the whole sharks-flying buisness aside, and talk about gravity instead. And keep in mind, gravity is a law. Not a theory, a LAW.

This law is also blatantly pushed aside by whoever directed this movie. One scene in particular gets on my nerves, and that’s the house scene.

You can’t see it, but there is water up to their hips on this entryway floor. There are skarks swimming in this water. So after they manage to waste all of their ammo on shooting the 2 sharks in the house, they run outside.

And this was my expression when they went from the ENTRYWAY to OUTSIDE and NO WATER came out of the door. What, was some magical force holding the water inside the house? Ugh…

And then they flew a hellicopter INTO A HURRICANE and set off explosions that – by some sort of witchcraft – caused the hurricane to “cancel out” and just disappear.

Ooookaaaayyyy……

And then, my FAVOURITE scene is the next one:

So while they were throwing bombs into hurricanes, the heroine of the story gets swallowed whole by a flying shark.

And then later, this same shark comes flying down, and this dad with a chainsaw pushed his daughter out of the way and then HE gets eaten, too!

(Great graphics, right?) BUT the story’s not over yet! By some miracle, the dad uses his chainsaw to cut through the shark from the inside out. Without injuring the girl!

(Honestly such a huge waste of red food dye…) AND BETTER YET: The girl is miraculously unharmed from sitting in the shark’s DIGESTIVE STOMACH ACIDS for at least 20 minutes! WOW! Carol forgot to wear her safety goggles once, and she’s blind now, but this girl is totally fine after stewing in acid.

So after all of that… and that didn’t even cover HALF of it… I have one more little thing that I’d like to point out:

IT WAS 100% INTENTIONAL

Yup. They defied physics an all logic ON FREAKING PURPOSE. Which poses an important question:

The Answer:  They wanted to make it so bad that it was good. Or funny at least. Check out this interview with the director. Fun fact: It still got worse ratings than 50 Shades of Grey and Taken 3. Even Exodus did better than this freaking movie!

So that’s my story. Congrats, Sharknado, on successfully getting me to go on a super-long rant only to find out that you made an awful movie on purpose. I’m going to go watch a good movie. Be sure to check out some of our blog’s other Finals Week posts! They’re gonna be good!

Catcha later, alligators,

Splinter (MK)

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